My life has a plan

I have finally made some decisions regarding my future that I am actually feeling good about!  Here's to acting like an actual grown up and making some real decisions about life.  I have officially decided to not go to Turkey right away.  I was originally planning on going as an intern with RMM in about a year for two years.  I was mostly feeling good about the decision, although I was regretting putting school on hold.  Well, after weeks and months of tormenting myself and driving myself crazy and going back and forth, trying to figure out what to do, and also after meetings with Carmal and Mim (they are good people) I have decided that I am not going to Turkey for now and will be attending college as soon as I can afford it.  I will be majoring in English and I am dang excited about it!  Yes, I am one of those nerds who actually enjoys school.  

I think that I have also decided to not begin school as soon as I am done with SEND at the end of this year.  The plan is to work for a semester and then begin in the fall of 2009.  My main reason for this is money.  I have none and I plan on continuing to reside in Columbus which means I will need to find a house/apartment, which means I will have to pay rent.  That is hard to do with no money.  I will also need a car and insurance and a lot of silly things that grown people need these days.  I also have big plans of traveling to Israel and Kenya next spring and summer, so I'll probably need a substantial amount of money for that as well.  

On a completely different note: I miss Spain.  There it is...wow, I really never thought I would say that.  Apparently it is normal to start missing a place about a year after returning, even if you never thought you would.  Whether it's normal or not, I don't really care, all I know is that it's nice.  It's nice that I can go back.  I'm not saying I definitely will, but it's nice to know that if I ever feel called to go there again, I can without too many reservations.  I realize that I'm mostly focusing on the positive.  I realize that if I do go back I will quickly remember the things that I hated that right now seem silly in my mind.  But still, there is a desire to go.  There is a desire to see people and to eat wonderful food and live the laid back lifestyle of a Spaniard again.  I would love to work with Kevin and Wendy and Pablo and Judy.  I would love to be able to work on my Spanish more.  I would really love to eat the wonderful bread and olive oil, and paella, and seafood, and juice, and so many things.  

The problem is that I want to do too many things.  Sometimes I think about the list of things that I want to do and I just feel overwhelmed, like I don't have nearly enough time to do all of them.  I know that's ridiculous, I am only 21 and have a long life ahead of me.  But I want to do all of them now.  I want to visit about 20 different countries in the next 5 years, which is completely impossible, because a) I don't just want to visit them, I want to live in each and every one and really get to know the language and culture; and b) I currently have about $300 and no chance of making a significant amount of money for the rest of the year.  Money is so depressing.  

I think I might be rambling at this point, which generally signifies that I should just stop typing and post.  I think that is what I shall do.  Then I shall go to bed.  The end.