Moving on...

I recently got into using Picasa to store my photos and therefore have been working a lot with the photos on my computer, sorting and making albums and whatnot. Since most of my pictures are from Spain, I have been thinking about Spain a lot recently. I realized that in some ways I am still going through re-entry stuff....or at least I think that's what it is. I realized that I can recall many things from Spain with astonishing clarity, while I cannot remember some of the larger details for the life of me. For example, as I read through my journal entries from my time in Spain, or look through photos, I can remember minute details from any given day. I can read one fairly insignificant sentence in my journal and suddenly remember every detail about the day that I wrote it: how I was feeling, what I was wearing, where we had gone that day, who I had talked to; some of the most insignificant things really. However, I cannot, for the life of me, remember the name of the street that intersects the street that I lived on half a block down. It kills me that I cannot remember because it was a street that I used daily, we talked about it all the time. I know that it starts with an "m," but that's about it. The fact that I can't remember the name doesn't bother me as much as the realization that, as time goes on, I'm going to start forgetting more and more. There will come a day when I won't be able to remember what the city looked like from our roof top, or what the name of the grocery store was that we shopped at everyday, or what anyone looks like. All somewhat insignificant things, but it's the life I lived for 6 months, somehow it seems important to me.

I've also been realizing what an effect REACH has had on my life. Significant changes occurred in my life in 9 months. My mindset underwent changes, my personality underwent changes; basically who I am underwent changes in some way, shape or form, nothing of me was left completely untouched. I'm not saying that this is a bad thing, it's actually a very good thing; it just complicates life in many ways. I'm realizing that it's a lot harder to live when I'm more worried about what God wants from me than with what I want to do. I think it would be a lot easier to live thinking only of myself and my wants. I'm not saying it would be more fulfilling, just easier. I'm realizing that I don't know how to relate to people who I was really close to a year ago because they don't understand where I've been. I find myself avoiding people because it's easier than explaining why I'm different. Nine months of my life were lived in a way that few understand. Only 4 people in the world can really understand me when I talk about the six months I spent in Spain.

Sorry, this is kind of heavy and I'm depressing myself a bit, so I think I'm going to end this here.